My bucket I am told has to empty so that new things can come in. The song ‘There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza’ comes to mind. 2021 I feel is a year of endings so that we can experience new beginnings. The last few years have been quite horrible. For me, there has been lots of endings and letting go of things. I realise that this is good as it paves the way for new beginnings – which is my word of the week,
This includes completely letting go of who I was so that I can be who I am. Who I am and my purpose in this world did feel hidden from me, but as the last 18 months unfurled so did the potential for new beginnings.
I have never been content with not knowing what my path was supposed to be, yet these last few years I have had to be ok with not knowing. But let’s be fair a lot of us were taken by surprise and the path that we thought we were on – changed.
Over the years I have been forced to stop, and it hasn’t been fun. Although it hasn’t been fun, I have not been unhappy, just confused and curious.
When I consider my purpose today, it feels sort of beyond my grasp. Then I feel inspired. This vacillation between fear and excitement tells me that I am on the right path. Which is ok. It’s ok to not always be ok. That saying pops into my mind often – feel the fear and do it anyway. Ok… I will.
Do you know your purpose? It’s quite an annoying question at times, isn’t it? A pen has a purpose, yet it can only fulfil its purpose with a human at one end and something for it to leave its message on at the other end. A human must have intentions, even if it is only to write a to-do list. Like all tools, you could use the pen for something else, like making a hole in something, but that would be a waste of the pen.
I was recently asked what was the impact I wanted to make in the world. When I look at my unconscious scribblings in my journal, the one in the box says ‘as the person who helped others to find meaning in their lives through their stories. A person who facilitates healing for others.’ It seems so obvious given what I have been through and how I feel about the way in which we can support each other to help heal humanity.
When I look back when I was confused, what is needed, I think, to accept new beginnings is faith. Faith that all will be well and that I will be (as will you) guided to my promised land.
In the wilderness between the pain of life and the promise of something new is a sort of nothingness. In the nothingness, there is a shadow of fear and a dull ache that I believe comes from a wanting to hold onto our old identity.
Identity is like a comfort blanket. It is how you know me. It’s how I know how to convey myself to you. When I decided to bring back The Conscious Women Tribe, I felt the fear of saying goodbye to all that I knew about me and that you thought I was. It’s like coming to a zero point and waiting to fly in a new and yet unknown direction. So somewhat stuck at the edge of zero.
Once I was a wife (twice), a partner (once), sister, daughter, school kid, a rebel, friend, carer, trainer, marketing manager, executive coach, book writing coach, a writer, a knitter, walker, sewer, cook, experimenter and an adventurer. All labels to define my place in the world, all now fading into the mists behind me. I still do some of that, but most of them are rolling back into the mists of time.
Imagine that you are standing at the zero point, behind you is your life, learning, experiences and knowledge gained so far and in front of you is a boundless possibility as yet unknown. How do you feel? A bit scared and a bit excited? Me too.
What if you could imagine that everything that was, has reformed into Angel wings, covered with the years of your stuff. Not heavy but light enough to help you to fly, would that make you feel better?
It does me.
If I have faith and if I listen with an open heart I’ll know what to do, won’t I? I let go and let love be my guiding light. Will you?
The pen, I mentioned earlier, makes me wince, I have written so many words over the years with the intention of publishing my story. I never did. The time was never right. Yet, all of that writing was incredibly cathartic.
This month I am writing my story and it is being published. The time is right. This is a new beginning for me at least. I hope it is for you.
I wrote last night about what I want. These are my endings and my new beginnings.
When I write my stories now and weave together the old, it feels like fun emerging from these fingers. And always there is my old friend fear, tapping on my heart to remind me that this is new territory and a new beginning. I am stronger than fear, and I connect with my heart so that she knows we can let go, let love be our guide at this zero point and that we have wings to fly.
There is a hole in my bucket, there is a hole in yours. Let the old is drain away. What I wonder, with a wry smile of curiosity, as I leave you to enjoy your day will you fill it with?
New beginnings journal prompts
- What do I want to create for my life?
- What am I manifesting in my life right now?
- What does my heart truly desire?
- What feelings does the new beginnings provoke in you?
- What is in the perfect life that I hold in my dreams and my heart?
- Describe the dream life you want to create for yourself as if you already have it
- What am I looking forward to?
- If I could change one thing about my present life, what would it be?
- What is something you want to achieve this year?
- What are your top 3 goals?
- What kind of person do you aspire to be?
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