Forgiveness, faith and love
Today started with that awful urgency to wee. This is day four of a parasite cleanse, and I feel rough. My head is buzzing, but not in a nice way. My nose is itching and running, my lips are tingling, and I cannot think.
Through the grogginess, I remembered I had wanted to be up with the full moon to burn my letters and notes about forgiveness, faith and love.
There are two dogs on the bed, and the youngest wants her walk. She licks me. She is funny, gentle and often times willful. The little puppy that I found has truly become an Angel.
Dragging myself up, I potter around, take the first of the herbs with a glass of water and ready myself for the walk. I had wanted to walk to the top of the world. It’s a tough walk on the lungs, but worth it when you see the views. This walk always makes me think of perspectives. Today my body says not far. The hills won’t be going anywhere, and when the cleanse is over, I can bounce up and roll back down.
We don’t get far when the dogs run off. Exhausted I collapse onto a rock and put my hands in my head. The body is weak; I am weak, but also so strong. The parasites that have been holding me in their toxic grip need to go.
Wandering back home, I wonder how I can put one foot in front of the other. I do, I always do. No matter what shit life throws my way, I get up, and I carry on. In this moment despite the physical symptoms, I am content and have a comforting inner peace.
In my quieter moments, I wonder what is this all about?
Life, when I look back, has not been easy. Of course, I remind myself, I signed up to this. And I remember I came to experience being human.
Being, being the operative word. Not doing, just BEing.
The Rosemary is in the log burner. I look at my journal; I don’t want to read what I wrote last night. There are a few things I want to add, and then I can set it alight. Let the flames fan forgiveness, help me to hold on to my faith and be open to love.
What I want most of all for me, and everyone is inner peace and contentment. That’s what success is for me.
Of course, there are other things I want, but right now this FEELS like the most important thing.
I gather together the rest of the things for my cleanse. The Castor oil pack for my liver. The Epsom salts for my foot bath. Water to sip.
The coffee for the enema has been prepared.
Too weary of doing anything now, I sit quietly my feet in the water and ask to be shown what’s next.
What are you doing today to honour yourself?